The Game of Retirement — Five Years, $15K, and One Very Opinionated Cat

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What if retirement were a classic board game—bright colors, winding paths, and a few ridiculous “lose a turn” moments—starring two hopeful travelers, one giant RV piece, and a cat who refuses to read the rulebook?

Welcome to The Game of Retirement, a satirical (and suspiciously honest) map of the next five years. Budget set: $15,000 per year for travel. Players: Jason (spreadsheets, jokes, gray vest) and Kellie (map-whisperer, spotter of “the good coffee”), plus a chunky Russian Blue cat who has declared itself Treasurer of the Treats. The board unfurls in a candy-colored spiral—part road trip, part life lesson—with milestone squares labeled Year 1 through Year 5. Think Game of Life, but with sunscreen and a line item for “unexpected medical co-pay.”

🎲 The Board (A Cartoon You Can Picture)

In the top corner sits a retro cartridge labeled “The Game of Retirement”, complete with pixel-cute fonts and a tiny caricature of Jason waving from a camper van window. Down the side, a crimson ribbon reads: “5 Years of Adventures!”

The track is dotted with little joke spaces that feel all too real:

• Airport Delay — Lose a Turn: The board helpfully supplies a doodle of Jason trying to barter snacks for a gate change.
• Beachfront Bingo — +$500: Kellie wins a travel contest nobody else knew about. Typical.
• Unexpected Medical Bill — Back 3 Spaces: Because adventure is daring… and also has a deductible.
• Upgrade to Ocean View — Pay $300: A tiny window sketch with the world’s smallest dolphin sighting. Worth it.

Along the edges: play money, fake boarding passes, and a suave Russian Blue cat in sunglasses sprawled across a pile labeled “Travel Fund”—which the cat believes is primarily for salmon.

🚌 Meet the RV Piece (and Its Two Drivers)

Our heroic game token is a jovial RV with an outsized smile-grille, rolling along the track while Kellie points out charming detours and Jason calculates whether “Detour” is tax-deductible (it isn’t, Jason). The mood is equal parts seriously excited and seriously hoping the tires stay inflated. The RV collects stamps: mountains, piers, desert sunsets, café receipts, and one questionable souvenir magnet that says “I paused my nap for this.”

🏁 Start Banner: “Retirement Mode: $15K Travel Budget per Year”

Right at the starting line, the rules are simple: Spend where the joy is; save where memory won’t mind. That means chasing views over upgrades, laughing off delays, and choosing experiences that retell well later—preferably on a porch at golden hour with a mug of something cozy.

🗺️ The Five Milestone Years

Year 1 — Venice Gondolas (Passport Stamps & Practice Laughs)

The cartoon square shows a gondola drifting under a lacework bridge. Kellie is pointing out a tiny café that only serves locals, while Jason pretends not to tip the boat by lunging at a photo angle. The caption reads: “Learn to pack lighter. Again.” Year 1 is about rhythm—finding the pace that says “we’re not rushing; we’re savoring.” The budget line item that surprises you: gelato research. It’s a write-off in the economy of happiness.

Year 2 — Desert Road Trip (Wide Skies, Quiet Miles)

Our RV piece glides past saguaro silhouettes and a diner with a neon sign that blinks “Pie?” (The answer is always yes.) The board square reads: “Slow mornings; starry nights.” Humor space: “Sand in Your Shoes — Roll again.” You learn that silence is a luxury, and that two-lane highways are stress’s kryptonite.

Year 3 — Mountain Lodge (Cozy Fires & Really Big Mugs)

On the square: knit blankets, steaming mugs, and a window framed by pines. Kellie discovers a short trail that looks like a movie set. Jason discovers that hot cocoa is somehow a meal. Cartoon note: “Altitude Surprise — Nap required.” This is the year you realize that the best souvenirs don’t fit in luggage: they fit in inside jokes.

Year 4 — Tropical Cruise (Floating City, Moving Horizon)

Sunscreen doodles anchor this square, along with a tiny steel drum and a deck chair that insists on reclining even when you don’t. Humorous space nearby: “All-You-Can-Eat Buffet — Skip 1 square (food coma).” Wisdom here: let the ship move you, literally and metaphorically. You don’t have to steer everything.

Year 5 — National Park RV Stop (Postcard Views & Porch Logic)

The square shows a blue ribbon river, elk in the distance, and our cat squinting like a little ranger. The caption reads: “Sit still long enough to feel the place sit with you.” It’s the culmination square—where the five-year plan circles back to what mattered the whole time: time itself, and all the breezy afternoons you decided were valuable enough to defend.

💸 House Rules (A Friendly Budget Philosophy)

• The Memory Multiplier Rule: Spend on moments that create stories you’ll re-tell. If you can’t imagine mentioning it in a year, consider the economy seat.
• The Rainy-Day Sidequest: If a plan gets rained out, you must invent one silly replacement. (Example: “Museum of Questionable Hats.”)
• The Snack Insurance Clause: Always pack one comfort snack per traveler. Two on airport days. (Three if the cat is judging.)
• The “Ocean View” Exception: Once per trip, spring for the view. It buys a lifetime of remembering.

🐾 The Cat’s Corner (Unsolicited, Accurate Advice)

The Russian Blue Treasurer peers over little sunglasses and declares: “Humans underestimate naps.” Cartoon bubble: “Budget line item for sunshine: non-negotiable.” The cat also recommends carrying a list of “Tiny Joys,” which includes: clean socks, unexpected live music, friendly strangers, and cafés that let you linger. (The cat adds “fish.”)

🔁 What Happens When You Land on “Airport Delay”

First, you lose a turn. Then, per house rules, you win a story. The board shows Jason and Kellie sharing a table with other stranded travelers, swapping recommendations and emergency chocolate. Moral of the square: every delay contains a conversation you wouldn’t have had otherwise—sometimes that’s the day’s best view.

🧭 Strategy Tips from Seasoned Players (Also, Us)

• Book the anchors; leave the in-betweens loose. One or two must-dos per destination, and the rest is neighborhood wandering.
• Choose your splurges ahead of time. It’s easier to say “yes” joyfully when the budget already expects it.
• Collect human moments, not just highlights. The next city will also have a famous thing. It may not have the same bus driver who tells the best jokes.
• Invent your own “bingo card.” Street musicians, friendly dogs, a view that makes you quiet—three in a day earns you dessert.

🌤️ The Big Picture (And It’s a Cheerful One)

By Year 5, the board looks lived-in—little scribbles, coffee drips, a corner folded where the national park square is. The crimson ribbon on the cartridge still says “5 Years of Adventures!”—but now it feels less like a promise and more like a habit. The years didn’t go “perfectly.” They went well. The budget didn’t always hit the penny. The memories did.

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📣 Join the Journey

If this playful map of retirement made you smile—or gave you a nudge to start your own board—we’d love to have you along for more stories, experiments, and gentle misadventures.

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Play kindly. Spend on wonder. And always listen to the cat.

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